From the audio director of Kaze: Winds of Change

Digger: Scene 3

Written by Ursula Vernon

When Digger comes across a suspended wooden bridge with a sign warning travelers to beware of trolls, the last thing she expects is a puny shrew gurading the gate. Surka may only come up to Digger's ankle, but she's fully confident, having made friends with the local trolls, who will protect her if she's in any trouble. Still, when you're hungry, it can be easier to make friends.
SURKA: Late 20s, but acts half her age. Pure Napoleon complex, wants the world to know how dangerous she is despite being only six inches tall.
DIGGER: A woman as down-to-Earth as they come. Confident but curious, strong-voiced and speaks her mind.
SURKA: Halt! Who goes there? [LONG PAUSE] Down here.
DIGGER: Um. I’m Digger.
SURKA: Very good! I’m the troll of this here bridge.
DIGGER: You’re a shrew.
SURKA: Correct! Lady Surka, warrior shrew, at your service!
DIGGER: But you just said you were a troll.
SURKA: Indeed! The fiercest troll in the empire, I am!
DIGGER: [PAUSE] But you’re a shrew.
SURKA: You got a point?
DIGGER: Shrews aren’t trolls. Trolls are supposed to be huge and lumpy. And eat goats or something.
SURKA: Listen, smartass, have you ever seen a troll?
DIGGER: Well, not as such, no.
SURKA: Then how the hell do you know what one looks like? Somebody died and made you an expert on the habits of trolls?
SURKA: You know any reason why an honest shrew can’t be a bloody great troll on the side?
DIGGER: I suppose when you put it like that, no. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have questioned your trollhood. So tell me, as a troll, what would you require to let me pass?
SURKA: You got any billy goats?
DIGGER: Fresh out.
SURKA: Spot of lunch, then, maybe?
DIGGER: I think we can manage that.
DIGGER: So, Surka, how long have you been a troll?
SURKA: About three months. Before that, I was a dishwasher, and before that, an assassin. And before that, I was a pirate queen!
DIGGER: You were a pirate queen?
SURKA: Oh, aye, Captain of the Rotting Dogs, the finest crew of leper pirates to ever terrorize the high seas!
DIGGER: Leper pirates?
SURKA: Aye! Got so merchants would hand over their stuff without a fight, so long as we promised not to touch them.
DIGGER: You don’t look leprous.
SURKA: I’m not. They wanted a captain who wouldn’t fall apart under pressure!
DIGGER: [LONG PAUSE] Please tell me that you were never a comedian.

Performance #536
Wyld DarkLunar Shadow