Philip
[WHISPERING] Harmon, just SHUT UP and let me talk! [LOUDER, TO OFFICER] Hellllooo Officer! Great day for driving! Marvelous!
Officer
License. Registration. Now.
Philip
Oh! Of course. And let me just say you're doing a fine job of catching REAL CRIMINALS out there every day! And not stopping INNOCENT DRIVERS!
Officer
You know why I stopped you?
Philip
You... wanted an autograph?
Officer
Why the hell would I have stopped you for an autograph?
Philip
Oh come ON officer! You don't know who I am?
Officer
According to your license, you're - Philip Templeton.
Philip
Yes! That's me! Philip Templeton! The PROFESSIONAL golfer?
Philip
Oh PLEASE! I know most people don't have the brains to appreciate golf, but surely you know the one who hit the longest drive EVER on the Par 5 at Bear Paw Creek in the FGA Open last year!
Officer
Here's what I know. Two blocks back, you ran a red light, passed a stopped school bus, almost ran over an old lady in a crosswalk, and changed lanes without signalling inside an intersection! Your license and tags are expired, and your rear left signal light is out!
Philip
[BEAT] That light was yellow, I swear!
Officer
Get out of the car and put your wings on the hood. Right. Now.
Philip
[MUTTERING] Should have just rented a donut truck, run it off a cliff and have you chase it...
Philip
Nothing! Nothing, officer - Dammit, Harmon, stop laughing!