Dialogues

Enoch the Eunuch

Scene 2

Megaplex | 2017

Assan Dracomorph

Alois

Ridley

Enoch

Artwork by Rhandi Fisher

Project Premise

Screwball Comedy

In a bizarre legal case, Enoch's minor infraction activated an undiscovered city law that required his castration. And with elections coming up, the incumbent city attorney sticks to his policy of unquestioned obedience to the law. But when a friendly doctor freezes the tissue and assures he can reattach it, Enoch begins a quest to find a loophole forcing the judicial system to give him back what's rightfully his--his balls.

Scene Description

As punishment for his jaywalking, as prescribed by city law, Enoch has been sent to hospital for mandatory castration. When he wakes up from the general anaesthetic, he meets the doctor who performed the procedure and learns that he may have a slim chance at getting back what's rightfully his.

                                                        Alois                                                    

                                                        Good morning!                                                    

                                                        Enoch                                                    

                                                        [GROGGY] Is it?                                                    

                                                        Alois                                                    

                                                        Oh, yes! You’ll be very delighted to know the surgery was a complete success!                                                    

                                                        Enoch                                                    

                                                        That doesn't really delight me.                                                    

                                                        Alois                                                    

                                                        There was no excessive bleeding. Everything was sewn up cleanly. Virtually no danger of infection. Just perfect! Have a look!                                                    

                                                        Enoch                                                    

                                                        I don’t want to.                                                    

                                                        Alois                                                    

                                                        Oh, come now, don’t be a shy dog! Here we go!                                                    

                                                        SFX                                                    

                                                        [BLANKET LIFTED]                                                    

                                                        Enoch                                                    

                                                        AAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH!                                                    

                                                        Alois                                                    

                                                        See how good I sewed that up? The stitches are so small! There will hardly be a scar!                                                    

                                                        Enoch                                                    

                                                        [cont’d] AAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH!!!                                                    

                                                        Alois                                                    

                                                        I really should take photos. In case other doctors have to do this procedure. Hold still, please.                                                    

                                                        SFX                                                    

                                                        [PHOTOS BEING TAKEN]                                                    

                                                        Enoch                                                    

                                                        [cont'd] AAAAAAAAH!! AAAAAAAAH!!!                                                    

                                                        Alois                                                    

                                                        All done! You can stop screaming now.                                                    

                                                        Enoch                                                    

                                                        My balls! You took my balls away you cold-blooded reptile!                                                    

                                                        Alois                                                    

                                                        Skink. And don’t be so dramatic. They’re right here.                                                    

                                                        SFX                                                    

                                                        [ANOTHER BLANKET LIFTS REVEALING A HISSING MACHINE]                                                    

                                                        Enoch                                                    

                                                        What is that?                                                    

                                                        Alois                                                    

                                                        Now, see, this is the best part. You coming in for this procedure gave me the perfect chance to try out my newest invention.                                                    

                                                        Enoch                                                    

                                                        You built that?                                                    

                                                        Alois                                                    

                                                        Proudly! I call it the Ball-Saver! Patent pending.                                                    

                                                        Enoch                                                    

                                                        Ball-Saver? Wait, does that mean…?                                                    

                                                        Alois                                                    

                                                        Your balls are being kept alive and can be re-attached at any time.                                                    

                                                        Enoch                                                    

                                                        Really?                                                    

                                                        Alois                                                    

                                                        For 72 hours. You might want to set a timer.

Showing 1-1 of 1 dialogue recordings

Enoch the Eunuch